When I was Young - by Gill Newham missionary to Mongolia

I have fewer answers these days. When I was young life appeared straightforward and I answered every problem with black and white certainty. But today those easy answers no longer suffice. Life has worked in me bringing with it bitter sweet experiences: joy, sadness, success and failure, pleasure and tragedy. Life has touched me with grief and grief changes everything. It comes consuming and pervading every cell of our being as it malignantly threatens to swallow up our hope.

How do we grieve? How do we face life’s tragedies without them destroying us or causing us to become hard? I have more questions than I have answers.

But that’s okay as I’m learning that Jesus wants me to bring all my questions to Him. He wants me to lean on Him, knowing that He will never leave or forsake me and that He can bear all my pain and grief. Perhaps it sounds too simple and trite but the reality is He is the only one who can speak to my weeping heart and bring His love and hope into the very core of my being.

He is the consoler of sorrows. He looks on the broken with such tenderness and sees our devastation. Gently He binds our hearts and, slowly and steadily, He heals our brokenness. Only Jesus can truly comfort and heal our broken hearts, our broken lives.

But still I squirm. Still I cannot make sense of tragedy. A young friend, in his early twenties, suffered agonies with cystic fibrosis and died a couple of months ago. Naturally his family are devastated. I can offer no adequate Christian answers as I do not understand why this young man suffered so much.

But in my heart I know I have to find a place of peace, understanding that I cannot fix every problem or sorrow even though I may want to. I have to accept that God knows the purpose of this suffering. And perhaps in sharing this family’s pain and tears something of the love of God touches their hearts.

It seems insufficient until I remind myself that God knows our pain. He knows it so well that He was willing to send His son into the world to enter into our suffering. Jesus died an excruciating, crucifixion death — he suffered and today is with us in our suffering. After His death came the resurrection: Jesus rose from the dead. God brought something amazing out of tragedy, He brought hope. Ultimately, there’s only one way to see that hope and that is to believe in Him, but Jesus did not say that belief in Him would exclude us from suffering. We will face pain and grief but God incorporates every pain we experience into His glory. He will restore all that is lost. He will give us the resurrection. As we walk through life we realise that He is not remote but walks with us, upholding us. He is the one who is the perfect counsellor; the one who is always ready to fill us with His grace. Let’s allow our questions to be answered by the presence of His grace in our lives.